Monday, September 23, 2013

Save Us From The 'Selfie' - When Innocent Becomes Suggestive


IMAGES : MORGUEFILE.COM | Save Us From The Selfie

It's a subject that's been playing on my mind lately, particularly as I watch my first born child heading towards her teen years like a clumsy snowball barrelling down a hill. Perhaps it's because we sat as a family and watched old videos of her as a toddler this past weekend, or simply due to the fact that her newly discovered sometimes surly teen-like attitude is belting me over the head as a reminder that my firm, motherly grasp is gently loosening. Either way, I need to give further consideration to this especially tricky subject that all parents face thanks to the wonders of technology and connectivity.  I am of course referring to the modern age artistic phenomenon of the 'selfie'. For those still living in 1980 or with their head buried in the sand (any room there for me?) a 'selfie' is defined by the Oxford Dictionary as follows:

Selfie
noun
(plural selfies)

informal, a photograph that one has taken of oneself, typically one taken with a smartphone or webcam and uploaded to a social media website.

I'm no prude nor am I inclined to wrap my kids in cotton wool, but truth be told, as a Mum of two girls I feel like in our house at least, we have got to get our educational 'ducks in a row' regarding discussions about the 'selfie' and indeed the wider elements of the social media phenomenon. Not that I assume either of our kids will be particularly irresponsible in this regard, but I figure it's beneficial for early conversations to take place, and for them to enter into the boundless digital age with a degree of understanding of how a selfie has the potential to firstly evolve into territory that no longer represents the kind of person you truly are, and secondly to acknowledge the possible negative effects such exposure can have within oneself.

Let's be clear. I'm not talking about the smiling teenage girls simply hanging out, having fun and capturing the moment for the sake of a memory, then sharing with friends. You know where I'm heading and if not, check out the above images for clarification or simply type selfie into Google - you'll quickly gain a full understanding. I'm talking about the fine line between innocent and potentially suggestive and how the all-important public acknowledgement of one's physical appearance can have a significant impact on a teen's body image and self-acceptance.

Furthermore, and I make an assumption here, but it seems that the more suggestive the shared image, the more 'likes' and comments they receive from their peers and consequently, the better they feel about themselves and I think that is where the danger lies. News flash fellow Gen Xer's, the word "hot" no longer applies to the temperature of the fire if you stand too close; hit Instagram in the 12 - 17 age bracket and see how many times the term comes up under a photo of some doe-eyed teen not suitable to pop in their family album.

Perhaps I'm being melodramatic and maybe I'll get schooled about why I should let my kids navigate the process for themselves, but I've seen too many kids that I know personally taking shots of themselves imitating suggestive poses they've seen on TV or in magazines, simply begging for positive body affirmation and that's what troubles me. These kids are smart, quiet, sporty, often nerdy and from loving families and yet, they snap and share the type of shots of themselves that would make Granny's hair curl. And when the 'likes' dry up what happens? Are we faced with some really serious body issues? Or maybe then we move onto 'sexting' as a new way of stepping up the attention-seeking? Surely no definition of that sunny little phenomenon is required...?

Regardless, we need to remember that the territory is completely new. We can't refer back to previous generations for advice on digital issues as we're the ones who are breaking new ground and writing the blue print on how to parent through this successfully. For me, it's really important that we add it to the list of stuff we need to discuss with them before they gain their independence. We have the drugs conversation, the sex and body discussion, why not the 'selfie' chat? Clearly, knowledge is power and I believe that perhaps we'll see a few less suggestive selfies if the 9 - 11 year olds are mentally and emotionally educated enough to make their own good choices with consequences in mind.

And if not, well just don't get Granny signed up to Instagram. It probably won't end well!





10 comments :

  1. Alert Alert Danger Danger

    These are the sounds I here when I think teens and selfies sometimes...but then you look at some of the grown ups and you realise it isn't just the teens.

    I certainly do think talking with kids about they why of sharing an image is vital.

    There are younguns sharing images that say "like" if you think I am hot/cute/sexy etc - what if no one hits like? I just don't want my girls to think the number of likes on an image is the value of their self worth.
    I am also hoping the selfie is a phase that disappears along with the fluro fingerless gloves I wore in 1984 and never returns.

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    1. Yes Claire - if only it was a passing fad! I'm pretty confident the era of imagery and sharing is here to stay which is good news for you and I (as bloggers) but has the potential to be bad news for our kids. And you're right - there are adults who have a lot of explaining to do to the 'selfie' police. (Rhianna, I'm looking at you!) xx

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  2. We need to articulate that this is something we worry about, however - it is their world so we have to talk about it and I applaud your approach. An approach to social media that I even advocate for business is - if you wouldn't show your Granny, don't put it up. And that applies to us approaching 40 as much as it does those approaching 14. Great post.

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    1. Hi Alison - thanks so much for your comment. Yes, the good selfie behaviour rule also applies to us forty year olds! Leading by example is a common theme in the feedback I've received about this post and I completely agree.

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  3. Well done on writing so eloquently about such a difficult topic. There is such a fine line between cute teen pics and suggestive photos.... and sometimes it's hard to know when it's crossed. I think that it's up to all females out there to be positive role models to young girls and show them that having respect for themselves is essential. What a great, thought-provoking post you have written!

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    1. Thank so much for your feedback, Lucy. You're absolutely right about females having somewhat of an obligation to younger girls - lead by example I say! Appreciate your comment.

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  4. It's such a difficult path - but what is with the underwear shots???? When did that become ok?
    And how do you not just sound old and out of touch when the hugely successful Miley Cyrus can't keep her tongue in her mouth and parades around naked (or there abouts?). There is NO privacy online.

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    1. So true, Lydia. I feel like I take a bit of a risk writing posts such as this because perhaps I'm being too over the top (and maybe out of touch?!). But really, there are so few good role models for our girls currently and thanks to Miley and the media fascination with her, I feel like as parents, we've got to step up and steer them gently in the right direction. Thanks for your comment..;)

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  5. As the mother of a teenage daughter this issue is in the forefront of my mind. Thankfully she has 4 older brothers who report everything she does directly to me :)

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    1. Brilliant plan, Pinky. Four dobbing bodyguards - I love it! Sounds like your daughter's reputation is in good hands...;)

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