Tree Change, Sea Change or Me Change?

IMAGE : MORGUEFILE.COM | Tree Change, Sea Change Or Me Change?

You know what I would like to do right now? I would like to do a big crazy life change that gets me as far away as possible from the daily grind that currently engulfs me. Call it a moment of temporary insanity or an early (not that early) mid-life crisis but I have a sudden yearning for a big, beautiful, spacious house with enough land for horses, and swing sets, a view of rolling hills and maybe a lake. See the picture? I want that driveway. And I want big verandahs, and a country kitchen in which to bake bread - I want to take up bread making! Yes! Why not? Know what else I'd like? I would simply like to put a stop to the 'groundhog day' monotony that currently defines my world. Is that too much to ask?

Do you ever feel the overwhelming desire to toss a massive great hand grenade into the middle of your life? Not the type of grenade that causes untold negative damage as such, but rather one that shakes things up and forces you to re-invent or amend something that's just no longer sitting comfortably. Currently, the visual representation of my life involves a lone mouse in a glass cage, pumping like mad on one of those spinning wheels. (Granted, my little guy is wearing a cute waistcoat like Stuart Little because even the most worn out mouse needs to look the part, but let's not allow ourselves to get bogged down in the details).  I desperately want to slow down or get off, but I can't because everyone else has set the pace for me like a bunch of demented, torturous boot camp trainers. The wheel's pace is getting rapidly faster and I fear my legs might soon do that thing that happens when you run down a steep hill too fast. You know the thing - it ends in a painful, clumsy fall on your face and the people watching aren't really all that sympathetic because you look so ridiculous. If you don't know what I mean, ask any three year old - they've all done it.

Oh the blissful things I'd do in my sunshine-bathed country home! During the days, I'd find a little nook somewhere in my vast space to sit and write. Imagine the things that could pour out of me if I had nothing much else to think about?! I'd bake my bread, cook large family meals (for my relatively, small but incredibly hungry family) and in my non-writing time I'd tend to horses, attend book club meetings, and pick happy, fresh air breathing kids up from their bus stop after school. (Did anyone hear that loud record scratch?? Yeah - that was my fantasy coming to an abrupt end thanks to a swift kick up the bum from reality).

Surely most of us have an idealised version of our life that feels more suited to our personality than the one we're living? Surely we can't be perfectly content in our lives all the time? My strong desire to be a rural Martha Stewart currently is perhaps simply a Faraway Tree - like escape hatch from my fear that this is it; this life is as good as it's ever going to get, and there's no change visible on the horizon. Largely my life is good, don't get me wrong but at times it's uninteresting and feels simply arranged for the purpose of serving others, which can be tiresome. (Yes, I know - welcome to motherhood). As a lover of routine and predictability, I'm constantly surprised at my desire to shake up the routine and be less predictable. I suspect I'm just one of those people who either needs to make little changes regularly in order to be satisfied, or who has expectations that are so high and lofty, they simply can't be met. (I suspect I'm the latter to be honest which probably explains my constant reach for the illusion of perfection; I must be seriously hard to live with sometimes!?).

Anyway, today's to do list in my current life is long and vast and grows like The Magic Pudding. It doesn't involve horses, book clubs or cosy nooks, but it does include the detailed schedule of four people, various school commitments, a bit of paid work and a lot of cleaning so I guess this lone, waist-coated mouse will need to wait a little longer for the writing and bread making in a country kitchen lifestyle. One can dream though, right? *Presses nose up against the glass cage*.