Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Home Is Where The Bath Is....

IMAGE : PINTEREST | Home Is Where The Bath Is

We only have one bathroom. 

We moved from a house with a bathroom for every member of the family a few years ago and now, in the name of moving to a more desirable suburb close to school we live in a little "cottage". Calling it a cottage is my way of defining our ridiculously small abode while making it sound worthy of a House and Garden spread. In reality, it's a nice house but should be twice the size given how many family members we have. No really - I'm not being a massive sook, it's genuinely small. 

(Okay, well maybe I'm being a bit of a sook. First world problems and all that. Anyway, stay with me).

So, in this small house is a REALLY small bathroom. In this small bathroom is a laundry in a cupboard. Just think of pulling apart a set of Russian matryoshka dolls, each one smaller than the next and you've got a pretty clear picture of our house and the rooms within it. In this small bathroom however, is the world's most enormous and imposing bath. Stretching from wall to wall in a raised square block with sharp, tiled edges is our grand, unnecessarily sizeable bath (also containing our shower) in a very small room. Getting in is like climbing into a Mack truck covered in baby oil and getting out is equally as high risk with many a bruised shin having occurred during our inhabitance - mostly my shins thanks to children's bubble bath remnants from the night before accompanied swiftly by expletives that would curl your hair.  Rumour has it, the previous owner installed said mega-bath as a little place to rendezvous with his new lover (I know in MY bath! Eeew!) and instead he came home from work early one day to find her and her OTHER lover, well.. getting clean together. Legend has it, he packed his bags, fled to an sunny island destination and was never seen again. And that explains in part, why we became the new owners as luck would have it. Doesn't make for a very relaxing bathing experience though, thinking of all those sordid and adulterous happenings. Eeew.

But! After three years of pondering and procrastinating, it's all going and the bath of infidelity and bruised shins is finally going to be banished. Rejoice! All hail a new bath of pseudo-marital devotion, cleanliness and economy of size!

As of today, there is NO bathroom. The girls and I have taken a leave of absence to my Mum's house on the coast for three weeks and poor Mr Mother Load is still there somehow wrangling the lack of shower and toilet situation (hello gym around the corner!).  Fun times for him, poor bugger. Better him than me though otherwise you would be hearing all about it daily. Let's all be grateful he's taking one for the team this time.

So stay tuned for the before and afters - there will be photos and possibly trades-related grievances in the weeks ahead. Also, I ask you for prayers if they're your thing and crossed fingers that we're not homeless for any longer than the school hols otherwise heads may roll (not by me obviously because it doesn't suit my non-confrontation personality but SOMEONE will surely pay - somehow!).

Wherever you are these holidays, I hope it's warm, sunny, and free from inconvenient renovations and baths with a sordid past!


  1. I think I'm actually jealous of the mega bath! We only have a half-size bath so I have to bath my kids in batches, and there's no hope of me getting a bath any time soon - I might as well bath in the sink!

    1. Eeeek! I'm downsizing to a half bath and I'm rejoicing! Time will tell if I continue to celebrate banishing the mega bath...:) x